Interestingly enough, the entire concept of "blogging" is foreign to me, though the more I hear conversations about this blog or that blog, the more I realize it is becoming a recognized medium of communication. I have felt an internal push lately to find a way to bring a more positive influence on the world in some small fashion, but haven't been sure how, until tonight.
I'm starting this blog with the intention of opening communication for anyone who has been affected by addiction, not from the point of view of an addict (though input from an addict is always welcome), but from the point of view of one who suffers the consequences of another's addiction. I don't claim to have any magic remedies or cures to make someone stop or overcome addiction, or to take the pain away from those whose hearts are broken when we are reminded of those we are losing or have lost to this cancerous disease, or should I say, cancerous plague. Whatever the semantics, for each addict in this world, there is an entire audience in the limelight, suffering from every choice an addict makes. This blog is dedicated to those.
And so it begins...with a true story that will ring all too familiar to anyone familiar with addiction...
I am unlucky enough to have 2 suffering addicts in my family, but I am going to focus on one tonight. I'm not going to go into the details of the past, but begin in the present, or rather Saturday of last week.
My sister is one of the most talented and success-prone people I have ever met. She has a radiant personality, is intelligent, and has an uncanny ability to help others feel comfortable in her presence. She is the most charitable person I have ever met, jumping at any opportunity to brighten the day of another, particularly her family.
The other side of her is the addict - a selfish, lazy, unmotivated, and sloppy liar. The addict has no respect for others and has no desire to associate with anyone my sister loves. The drug of choice - pills of any type, preferrably Xanax or Soma.
My sister has 6 nieces and nephews who are the light of her life. She constantly is searching for any opportunity to surprise them with anything to make them happy and enjoy each day. On Saturday, she has planned a shin-dig with all the kids, inviting them to come to her home for pizza, treats, and to decorate her Christmas tree. The kids were excited beyond belief and the time couldn't pass quickly enough to leave to their aunt's house for a night of fun.
Earlier in the day, she had been at our home for a family get together, and was doing fine, excited about the evening. She left about 4:00 or so to go home and get ready.
She began calling us around 6:00, asking when we would be there, and I didn't notice any problems in her voice. On our way to my addict sister's home, I got a call from my younger sister, warning me to check her - "she doesn't sound good." My walls instantly went up and I went into hypersensitive mode, not wanting my kids to be subjected to anything. Despite my walls, I relied on the clear voice I had heard just 20 minutes before and we continued onward.
When we arrived, the kids jumped out of the car while my wife and I got our 2 year old unbuckled. My 2 boys, the 11 and 8 year old kids, ran into the house, followed by my wife (carrying our 2 year old girl) and me (carrying our newborn who we were not going to leave with her). As I walked in the door, I heard my boys and wife asking "...are you ok?" I looked down to see my sister crumpled up on the floor at the bottom of her stairs, eyes blood shot, runny nose, flush face, struggling to her feet. I instantly reacted and got my kids and wife out of the house, followed by a warning to my sister who was coming across the parking lot with her kids, telling them to get the kids back in the car.
"...what in the world are you doing? What are you on? What did you take?" I yelled, despite my inner self telling me it was useless to waste my breath because she had no clue what I was saying.
"I'm just saying a prayer to my Heavenly Father to help me..." She stumbled over her words as much as she stumbled to stand up and take a step forward...
And so, another nightmare began, but this time, my children had been affected. I could only imagine the questions, the concerns, the confusion..."How could she do this!" "She knew the kids were coming." "What if the kids had been here and this happened?"
And so the victim pool grew...by 5.
She had turned to alcohol when she couldn't find pills, and had a blood alcohol level of about 0.4.
For any of you who are familiar with addiction and are victims of such, you understand all too well the fear, the heartache, the anger, the frustration, the gammet of emotions that flood through your veins when someone you love is so high or drunk they can't stand up or even remain conscious. The thing that hit me more than anything this particular night was the sorrow. I looked around and saw the treats, the videos for the kids, the unassembled and undecorated tree, and my heart broke. My sister had been getting ready for a night for creating memories, then the addict had come through and destroyed the opportunity. Why?
I'll leave it at that. I don't know why and I don't know how to help, but we are no longer allowing her to be around the kids until she gets more help. She has been through recovery before, but hasn't been clean since they detoxed her. We're hoping and praying this time something will work, but we don't know.
I've decided I'm going to begin attending various meetings for family members in an attempt to find some way to help. As of now, we're trying to support her from afar, letting her know we love her but don't support the addict...
Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas?
